APPEARING OFFLINE

Today I return from a most interesting showing of I Theatre's Wizard of Oz. Of course. Most of the actors are Singaporeans, but that didn't stop the musical from being good. Other than that, and the fact that there was a theatre full of kids there to annoy me, it was great. The costumes were fantastical, they really brought out the difference between the happy-go-lucky Munchkins, the free Oz-ians and the regimental people under the Wicked Witch of the West. Ooh. Alliteration. Yes really. The Munchkins all had flowers on their hats and very pleasant blue costumes to complement the happy floral image. The Oz-ians on the other hand. Every single one of them had a different green costume. I was amazed. Every costume was different. No repeats. O. And the regimental people all wore the same kind of black cloak and black pants. Except for the leader who wore a sort of bloody, maroon-ish red outfit. The red and black really served to bring out the evil witchy feeling. And of course. Forebodings.

And there were puppets!

The Munchkins bolstered their ranks by having half of them real and the other half puppets! I didn't realize till they started singing that each real Munchkin was holding on to another puppet Munchkin!

Well. What more can I say? The singing was good enough to satisfy me (o, egotism), the acting was great too, lights/sounds/costumes/puppets/masks were meticulously done, set was ginormous but phantasmagorical. Beautiful. So non-realistic, but real. And the 4-man band. I was disappointed it wasn't a full orchestra, but what can you expect from a kid's musical? And half the time the kids didn't get the puns. Like when the evil henchmen tore Scarecrow up, TinMan told him to 'pull yourself together'. No reaction.

Oh well. A most fruitful day at the theatre, I must say.

I don't know what's with this weird image that is the faux display image. Funneh. I will search for a new one soon. So! I finally change my blogskin. I couldn't stand the last one. Too bright. White font. Revamped. Coolio. I am too tired to speak now. After all. I just spoke 2 days ago. G'night.

I have recently surfed into a wave of nostalgia. No, surfed isn't the right verb. It sounds too happy. Surfin' on the sand, dahdeedah. I am trying to use a metaphor, but it seems to have failed in its purpose. Well anyway. Non-stop emo songs. On the way home, sitting in class waiting, hanging in 24 when there's no one around to put on a smile for. No, that sounds like I'm faking. Nay, I do not fake the smile, but when it's me alone with myself, I don't feel the need to. What's so jolly about life anyway. Like a friend once said, Life sucks, and then you die. Thank you Charis for that very applicable quote. Seriously. Sigh. Sighing for no reason at all. I have a feeling my mum thinks I'm secretly depressed.

Haha!!! No I'm not!!!

I wish. Augh. What's wrong with me. It's times like these when I feel I am a useless summer squash. No I am not trying to be funny. Summer squash is a right metaphor. Looks like summer! All bright and gay. But squash. The feeling is of oppression, depression, and other negative words ending with ession. In class, I hear people discussing how many h3s they're going to take. Some even apply for three 'In case I don't get some of them'. Well right. Sure. Like they can refuse someone from the top few percent in the cohort a H3. These people can so easily grab nice grades while here I am, slogging away. Maybe they're right. It's not work hard but work smart. Well, I'm not smart, I'm sorry. I can't work that way. Sheet. No. Thinking of myself this way will make myself un-smart! Scrap that. I am a smart kid!

Good thing I abandoned this place. No one's here to listen to me argue with myself. I'm such a schizophrenic. No, I'm not.

What sort of crap am I writing. This is like free writing. Really. I am annoyed at how emo I have become. Emotional. And it's just emotions taking me over, caught up in sorrow, lost in the song, but if you don't come back, come home to me darling, doobeedoo. I remember Yinxue used to sing that a lot. And the gay song from Rent. Live in my house, I'll be your shelter, just pay me back with one thousand kisses, be my lover, and I'll cover you.

Why can't I stop. This writing could go on forever. I'm just making myself feel worse right. I always try to be there for others, but then once I'm not needed, I'm just thrown to one side; discarded, like a used boot. Don't ask me why I used boot. I just like the sound of it. Get booted. Perhaps it's just like what Kelly and I used to say we felt about how people reacted to us. We tend to think too much and be over-sensitive, and tend to think that this person so-and-so thinks this way about me (us, separately) when actually whatever this person did to make us think this way was just a random action that signified nothing.

It's times like this that (I think) people consider suicide right? Worry not, I be not suicidal. I have too many things left undone. Like seeing Massa win the Brazil Grand Prix in 2 weeks time.

I used to think I'd always have an endless pool of friends. But now I see, that's far from the truth. The pool has dried up somehow. And whatever I pump in doesn't seem to fill up the pool to its former glory. It evaporates too fast. Global warming perhaps? Haha. Just a futile attempt to try to make myself laugh a bit. An attempt that failed miserably. Oh fine. I'll go away now and wallow in my misery and self pity. But before I go, a beautiful song that I've liked ever since I first heard it. Must've been in Primary school. But it was only recently that I rediscovered this song. Here we go.

I Won't Say (I'm In Love)-Disney's Hercules Susan Egan

If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history--been there done that

Who'd ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you (Oh, no)

Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and who you're thinking of

No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh
It's too cliche
I won't say i'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out

My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh

You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad

No chance, no way,
I won't say it, no, no
Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love
This scene won't play,
I won't say i'm in love

You're doin' flips, read our lips:
You're in love
You're way off base, I won't say it (She won't say in love)
Get off my case, I won't say it
Girl, don't be proud
It's okay you're in love
Oh, at least out loud, I won't say i'm in love

Misery, agony, helplessness, hopelessness, Heartache and woe.

Whoa. Oh my sky, Would you believe this. I'm finally back after 1306346912 days of hiatus. Whoo. I don't think enyone even comes here anymore. I should make an effort to revive this place, no? Anyway. Down to business.

Promos are long over. Thank heavens. When I think about how long I've not posted, I am reminded of how I used to blogsurf all the time. Whiling those hours away, those times that I had. So free, I used to be. And of course, I wasn't as lazy as I am now. But that's not the point.

I mean. Blogsurfing. Everyday (almost). For at least an hour or so. At those same old blogs I used to visit all the time. Ah well. Those were the days of the Secondary School. Now that we are in the Junior College, we do things so differently. Hah. What can I say.

Friday workshop groups for A-Levels (right?) are out! Lucky, lucky I. Great groupmates. Haha. I couldn't hope for a better group. We know each other so well. Lucky lucky I.

I procrastinate too much. I always start things I can't finish. And I don't speak to people the way I used to. Do I really have to resort to reading self-help books to learn how to communicate with others? Or is it just that I refuse to go and make the effort to make the connection
because, I'd remember those times? Gawd, I sound like some emo kid. Must be that time of the month again. Sigh, I wish. I really wish I could turn back time to have those happy days back again. Cliched, but true. Cliches are always right in some way, even though they sound so
cheesy and such. Sigh.

Well. Hmm. Let's talk about duos! Amanda and I have sort of settled on Christopher Durang's Baby with the Bathwater for our duo. Ms Pringle and Principal. I always have a feeling of inadequacy. IS there such a word? Let me correct myself. A feeling of
being inadequate when it comes to things related to TSD. I'm perfectly fine on my own, but when it comes to comparing myself with others, I just think, I don't think deep enough. I'm not 'conceptualizing' enough. What was that word that I kept quoting Jireh for? Dang. I can't remember.
Starts with a C I think. Ah yes. 'Congruent'. It is not congruent. Writing in a blog is exactly like free writing. It's the easiest kind of essay writing. Not that I would call a blog post an 'essay' of course. Hah. What would the title of this particluar essay be, I wonder. Possibly
'Rants of an Emo Kid' or, 'Those Days' or something like that.

Remember what I just said a paragraph ago about not ending what I start? Or starting things I can't finish? I just did it again. Start typing about something I wanted to say, then I digressed. Terrible. I have the
mind of a seven-year-old. I can't concentrate for more than what, 10 minutes? Short attention spans. What's the disorder associated with this? Autism? Let me wiki it. Gosh. Technology is marvelous when it works. When you have to struggle with fuzzy internet connections, laptops/appliances
with short battery life that go kaputt on you when you need them the most, you just feel like technology was invented to annoy you. Oh here we are. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

"Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurobehavioral developmental disorder affecting about 3-5% of the world's population. It typically presents during childhood, and is characterized by a persistent pattern of impulsiveness and inattention, with or without a component of hyperactivity."

Well. I sure as hell don't have the hyperactive part. You won't find a more lethargic person. Perhaps just at this moment. I must be the most lethargic person in the multiverse. Woo. The bass power of my computer's speakers just caused the roof to vibrate. Possibly due to natural frequency, as the speakers
vibrate at the same frequency as the roof. Yes, everything has a natural vibrating frequency. Even humans. Whoo. Imagine if we found our natural frequency and some soundwaves were of the same frequency. We'd explode nicely. That's how a soprano singing a high note can shatter a glass wine thingy. Wossname.
Wine glass. Yes. See. I've jumped topic again. I can't be bothered to continue what I was writing.

I think this post is long enough. If you've actually read thus far, I applaud your achievements. You should get a medal for persevering all the way to the end. Seriously. Other than myself, I don't know who else reads this. Perhaps I should just give myself a medal right now. I am tired. I will sleep.
Group breakfast tomorrow morning! Something nice to look forward to.

[edit]I am very out of touch with blogs. I go to my links page and stare and stare and I don't know where to start. And to think I just said that I could spend hours blogsurfing. Oh, the irony of life. Sigh. I don't know whose blog to read.
I keep thinking. Why. Why. Why. Emoness. Gawd. Stop it please. I am turning into the kind of person I'd like to dislike.

Sweetie pie is an expression, not a food. You don't go into a restaurant and order sweetie pie.

Madness. I have time to come here and talk crap! When I should be studying for mid-years that I don’t have to do. Hohoho.

Anyway. I know what the next book I’m going to get is. Saw the thing in Times at the airport. Now here comes the title. How to think like a Maths Genius. Useful it is. Now I know how to multiply any 2-digit number by 11.
Should have bought it there and then instead of buying that Ukrainian lady’s ‘Two Caravans’. And up to where I’ve read so far, it’s not even particularly funny. Really. Terry Pratchett beats her hands down, legs tied and eyes closed. I should stop buying nonsense books and just buy his.
So I won’t feel disappointed after reading them. I hate it when I read a book that I bought and I find that it doesn’t live up to my expectations. I feel useless. Tis a sign that my nose for hunting out and sieving out the good books from the bad. Of course, taste in books is relative. But.
That’s not the point.

Well. This Math book thing, it teaches you how to, well basically, think like a genius. But it’s actually just tricks for calculating mentally really fast. It’s good though. Trains your mind to think swiftly. Keeps your mind well-oiled and exercised. Quick! Answer me this. What is 3.5.4!

No calculators allowed.

Go. If thy answer is 360 and you got it right in less than 10 seconds without calc, congratulations! If you didn’t, well. Haha. There’s always the calculator in exams of course.

What an exciting day today. I cannot run to save my life. While jogging to the Subway at East Coast with the 4 fellahs and 2 wimmin with bikes, we witnessed something horrific. Possibly, probably, a woman wanting to commit suicide at the expressway. I don’t want to speculate, but twas scary. And such violence.
She was with another man who, we inferred, was restraining her from doing it. Street theatre really. Of course we called the police to come break up the quarrel/robbery/suicide-attempt/event, and tis true that many of our fellow good countrymen only stand by to watch, but interfere not. All of a sudden! A well-built guy in VJ pe-shirt appears and attempts to save(?) the lady.
Tried to talk some sense into her. While the other fellow who was her (her boyfriend possibly) just walked off. This unknown hero just grabbed the lady’s arm and refused to let her go even though she tried to struggle a little and was resistant to what he was saying. In the words of our senior, twas a 15 minute impromptu monologue, under stress. Freaking slow the police were in arriving.
Yes certainly. 20 minutes to get to the scene. Someone could have DIED. Well at least they arrived in time and we got to leave to go seek out our dinner.

I have a new song stuck in my head for now! Finally, no longer is it the chinese funeral song that plays on repeat in the media player that is my brain. Tis now 'You are the Moon' by 'The Hush Sound' from the album 'Like Vines'.
Catchy. Even though it is a slow one, it still sticks. And the lyrics. So meaningful and beautiful. I love these sort of songs. Calms you down after a long, angst-filled, problem-filled, emotional day of slots. Yes, they are emotional. TRY IT YOURSELF, WILL YOU. Stick yourself in my tattered old sNike sNeakers. I need new shoes! Certainly, it may be more of a want than a need,
but, you can hardly tell the difference right. If you look at it with the materialistic part of your brain, it will be easier for you to understand. Since when! Why materialism when we have been told it is bad? Holding on to things, wanting new things, makes you very, very unhappy and that leads you away from the path of Dharma. See. I won't say I'm a staunch buddhist,
but I know that his teachings are very true. Goodness me. What is with these horrible, loss-making fetishes of mine? Freitags. Shoes-all kinds. Sheesh.

Go away. One can dream about what they want to have but can't get right? Yeesh. Can't believe this. Less than a week away from TSD A-levels. Go seniors! Go juniors! Persevere. See, even persevere has the word 'severe' in it. That's how tough persevering is. Yeesh.

You are the Moon-The Hush Sound

Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone

You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier

All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe

I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every moment that you rise

I keep forgetting what I want to say. Short-term memory loss is affecting me badly badly. Most salubrious to not be able to remember things you must. Well. On with things.

My beautiful pair of fighting fish. Keeping a pet is all about trust. Of course, habits and their fishy instinct play an important part in their
training. But. Trust is most important. If you constantly feed them by sticking your fingers into the water, everytime you do that, they will come to you. O, but they're creatures of habit, you argue. Well. If you stuck your fingers in without the food, they wouldn't go to you anymore. See. Trust.

Today be my only rest day off'f slots. It'll be back to hard gruelling, back-breaking labour soon. I never realized how close the A-levels were. It's unnerving. To think that tis their A's but we're the ones that'll make it all work. What if we went on a strike? Of course we wouldnt', but. What IF.
I wonder.

S'quite exciting to think that we'll be getting juniors in another 6 months. And we'll have the run of the place. But of course. We'll be just that bit closer to A's already. Study!

I have not touched a bassoon in. 3 weeks. When we get back to it, I pray I do not sound like a dead duck. Hm.

Emcee-ing was nothing, but. The day itself was scary. And I realized things about our family. What would you do if your father passed away on your daughter's wedding day? Or how about if your mum
went during your honeymoon? Perhaps, to receive news that your dad wouldn't be around anymore while you were on holiday with your kids in Oceania? Or how about you going to the hospital to see your grandma in ICU at 7 am on your birthday, with her passing two days after that? What is wrong with our family tree?
My dad puts it all down to the human will. You hang on till you see what you're waiting for to happen and you go peacefully. It's frightening. That's why I'm afraid to go on holidays. You don't know what goes on back on homeground. It's unnerving.

Moritururi Nolumus Mori
We who are about to die, don't want to.
Non Temetis Messor
Don't fear the reaper.